


Tattoos Tell the Story

by useless_slytherclaw



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Art, Book 3: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Fluff, Hogwarts, Inspired by Dropkick Murphys, Inspired by Music, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Memories, Minor James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Minor Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), Slice of Life, Tattoos, Teenagers, Vignette, wolfstar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-10
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:27:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 10,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22656238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/useless_slytherclaw/pseuds/useless_slytherclaw
Summary: Sirius Black stares down at his hands, his arms, his chest and the black ink that covers them.  And he tries to remember.A collection of vignettes inspired by Rose Tattoo by Dropkick Murphys and revolving around Sirius Black's tattoos and memories he associates with them.
Relationships: Regulus Black & Sirius Black, Sirius Black & James Potter, Sirius Black & Peter Pettigrew, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	1. 1981: the pictures tell the story

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to [confundedgryffindor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/confundedgryffindor/pseuds/confundedgryffindor) for beta reading this work.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius Black during the final year as a member of The Order of the Phoenix

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's mentions of alcoholism in this chapter.

_The pictures tell the story_ _  
This life had many shades_

Life had taken many things from Sirius Black and Azkaban had taken everything else: his looks, his material possessions, his brother, his friends, his happiness, his love, his sanity, and even his memories. Years of the dementors stealing his happy memories had left him nearly bereft of them. They only came back in fits and starts.

Sirius is huddled up inside a cave. It’s summer, but he feels cold. He always feels cold; he doesn’t think he’s been warm in 12 years. He’d kill for a warming charm, but he doesn’t have a wand; all he can do is huddle down further. He could turn into a dog, then at least he’d have fur. But, he’s been a dog so often that being human feels weird. And he doesn’t want to lose his humanity too. Instead, he stares down at his hands, his arms, his chest and the black ink that covers them. And he tries to remember.

_I'd wake up every morning and before I'd start each day_ _  
I'd take a drag from last nights cigarette_ _  
That smoldered in its tray_ _  
Down a little something and then be on my way_

Sirius is sprawled sideways across a bed meant for two. The stupid alarm spell is going off. He doesn’t remember what time he had set the alarm for, but the light falling on the bed from outside is bright. He shoves himself into a sitting position and scrubs his hands across his face, chasing back nightmares. He can’t even remember exactly what it was, just pieces: Death Eater masks, screaming, curses flashing red and green. 

He leans over to the bedside table and picks up a cigarette. He lights it with a snap of his fingers. For a long moment, there’s nothing in the world except the smoke in his lungs. But, the world is coming crashing down on him already. He’s got to get to the Order meeting and go observe the Malfoy manor with someone… Dearborn? Vance? He hates thinking about that. It wasn’t supposed to be like this; it was supposed to be the Marauders against the world. Instead, Sirius is stuck at meetings with people who don’t trust him because of his last name. Now they are saying there’s a spy in the order and he knows some people think it’s him. It doesn’t matter to them that he ran away from home or that he’s been disowned. 

Sirius is disentangling himself from the bedsheets and trying not to think about James and Lily in hiding, it’ll just make him angry again. He’d be happy to pretend to be their secret keeper if it wasn’t so lonely. Part of him wishes the Death Eaters would just come for him, and he can have a proper fight. He’s tired of sneaking around and hiding in bushes from them. 

He pulls on the first pair of jeans he finds on the floor. He doesn’t want to think about Remus off _somewhere_ , Merlin only knows where, with a bunch of werewolves. He doesn’t like being afraid, and when he thinks about what Remus is doing that’s how he feels.

He’s pulling on one of his band shirts. The people at the meetings keep telling him not to trust Remus. Do they think Remus is the spy? They know fuck all anyway. He can feel the muscles in his jaw clenching as he thinks about it.

He’s searching the room, but he can't find any clean socks. Dearborn had pulled Sirius aside last week to say that he shouldn’t let his love for _the werewolf_ put James, Lily, and Harry in danger. Merlin, Sirius hates that man. 

He stumbles through the empty apartment towards the kitchen. And Peter, where the shit is Peter? He knows Peter isn’t one for fighting Death Eaters in the open, but he’s still in the Order, isn’t he?

 _Liquid breakfast again today,_ he thinks as he pulls a beer from the fridge. No one’s here to care if Sirius eats a proper breakfast anyway. His boots are all alone by the door, where Remus’ tennis shoes should be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very clearly not a tattoo artist, but I tried my best.
> 
> I think that Sirius would have a tattoo of a phoenix after he joined the Order, but I don't think that it'd be associated with happy memories. In my head, he has this on one of his biceps.


	2. 1971: I travelled far

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius' first time seeing Hogwarts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to [confundedgryffindor ](https://archiveofourown.org/users/confundedgryffindor/pseuds/confundedgryffindor/works) for the beta.

_I traveled far and wide  
And laid this head in many ports _

“Firs’-years this way!” A booming voice reaches Sirius’ ears over the chatter of hundreds of students. He looks around the crowded platform; one man stands out. He’s calling for the new students, and he’s easily the biggest man that Sirius has ever seen. Sirius is rooted to the spot for a moment, staring; the man was easily double the height of the children crowding around him. 

“Is he a giant?” A plump, blond boy whispers, voice shaking a bit. Sirius looks over at the boy. A giant, working at Hogwarts? He winces just thinking about what his parents would have to say about that.

“Nah, he’s too small. Giants are near twenty feet.” Another boy answers as he puts his hand comfortingly on the blond boy’s shoulder. Sirius looks at the speaker. He’s thin and has brown hair, but what catches Sirius’ attention is the scar across his face. It looks absolutely wicked. _Where on earth did he get a scar like that?_ Sirius starts moving towards the boys, questions already forming; James trails behind him, oblivious to the fact that he’s lost Sirius’ attention.

“Are you excited?” James is saying a few moments later, and Sirius realizes that he’s missed whatever James has been talking about. Feeling a smidge abashed, Sirius turns back to James, who is still talking. “I bet we’ll get to see the castle soon. I heard that it’s amazing, and I just can’t wait to explore it, of course.”

The man leads them away from the platform and down a gravel path. The noise from the platform dies down as they continue. James continues to chatter, and Sirius nods along to whatever the other boy is saying, but his eyes are on the lantern swaying in the giant man’s hand. 

“Yeh’ll get yer firs’ sight o’ Hogwarts in a sec,” the man calls. James actually goes quiet at that. For a few moments the only sound is the crunching of gravel underfoot. Then, they come around a bend, and Sirius hears the people in front of him gasp. He looks up and gasps too, despite himself. Hogwarts is there, towers standing proud against the sky, lights glittering and welcoming. Something in Sirius relaxes as he stares at the castle. Maybe this place could be his home. _Home._ Sirius has never really had a home; he has a house, sure, but not a home. His heart soars, and he smiles at James. Maybe he will have a place here. 

“No more‘n four of ye’ ter a boat!” The giant man calls. Sirius looks down and realizes that they have come to the edge of a large black lake. He clambers into a small boat behind the blonde boy and the boy with the scar. James crawls in after him, still chattering.

“It looks like we are going over the lake. I hear there’s a giant squid. We’ve just got to see it.” Sirius just nods along, but he can’t focus on what James is saying anymore. His stomach is twisting itself in knots. The boats start moving, and Sirius’ thoughts keep going to the sorting ceremony.

“You okay?” James asks, finally realizing that Sirius isn’t paying attention to him. He pushes his glasses up his nose and looks closer at Sirius. To Sirius’ surprise, James doesn’t look irritated like Cissy or Bella would have been; he just looks concerned. How can he be concerned about someone he’s just met? 

“I’m nervous about the sorting ceremony too,” says the blond boy. Sirius instantly turns his attention from James to the blond boy, his eyes narrowing. He hasn’t said anything about being nervous or about the sorting ceremony, and he doesn’t like feeling transparent. 

“Is that why you’re nervous?” James asks Sirius, who shifts uncomfortably. He’s not used to people asking how he’s feeling; Blacks don’t have feelings, not feelings like nervousness anyway. But James looks completely earnest, his brown eyes are warm, so Sirius just nods.

As he looks at James, Sirius can feel jealousy rising up to burn him; it’s not a feeling he’s used to. But James knows where he wants to go and his parents will be proud of him when he gets into Gryffindor. Sirius’ parents won’t be proud. If he gets into Slytherin, that’s just what’s expected. If not… Sirius doesn’t even want to be in Slytherin, but the thought of facing Walburga and Orion if he’s sorted anywhere else makes his blood run cold. He wants to hug himself, but instead, he straightens his back and lifts his chin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine that the Hogwarts skyline is wrapped around his forearm. Perhaps it has more details, maybe it has moving owls or some such. But, I think that Hogwarts was very important to Sirius and is definitely something he would want to have as a tattoo.


	3. 1977: I saw beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marauders at the beach

_ I was guided by a compass   
I saw beauty to the north _

_ _

It’s gloriously warm and summery. The sun is glimmering on the waves and Sirius revels in the feeling of it against his skin. After all those years stuck in Grimmauld place, he thinks he’ll never get tired of it. 

James chases Sirius into the ocean; their bare feet skid on the sand and their hollering echoes up and down the beach. The tidal wave of energy that is Padfoot and Prongs strikes the world harder than the waves on the beach. 

James and Sirius are grappling with each other, trying to force each other under the waves. Muscles strain under skin glistening with seawater. Sirius is taller, but James is stronger, so they are well matched. Their laughter fills the air until James’ foot slides in the sand and he goes under. He comes to the surface with water dripping off his nose and that brilliant smile that makes everyone’s world a little brighter. Sirius feels his heart lightening and gives his brother a smile of his own.

But, as Sirius throws a victory punch into the air, James sees his opportunity; he catches Sirius about the waist and sends him under. Sirius gets seawater up his nose, but he doesn’t care and emerges from the waves laughing despite the burning. He shakes his long hair like a dog and water splatters across James’ grinning face. He shoves Sirius back with one hand as he wipes the water off his face. Sirius turns to make a joke about James having to resort to trickery to best him, but he catches sight of something else. 

There’s a tawny-haired boy sitting on the rocky shore, the sun is shining on his hair and turning his skin to cream and honey. He’s leaning forward, elbows braced on his knees and watching the pair in the ocean. He’s wearing a t-shirt and jeans, but he has the jeans rolled up to his knees. Sirius feels his breath catch and his grin grow somehow wider. Remus is giving him a smile that says  _ God, you’re an idiot, but you’re my idiot,  _ and Sirius loves it.

Sirius starts wading towards the shore but says over his shoulder: “Prongs you prat. You told me the others couldn’t come.” 

James is laughing behind him. His face is open, and his eyes are warm. His smile says that he’s happy his friends are happy. Sirius loves his brother so much his heart might burst. 

Looking at his boyfriend smiling at him from the shore, Sirius wonders how his heart hasn’t burst. With James on one side and Remus on the other, he feels like he’ll always know which way to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This tattoo is the Vegvisir. Its often called the Viking compass, but it's not a compass and it's probably not even be Viking. It's from a book of 'spells' from Iceland from circa 1800, though the symbol is referenced as early as 1600. It's a stave that's designed to stop you from becoming lost. So, I think it's still symbolism that Sirius would appreciate.


	4. 1975: So I wouldn't be alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the Hogwarts Express

_ I drew the tales of many lives   
And wore the faces of my own   
I had these memories all around me   
So I wouldn't be alone _

_ _

James, Peter, and Remus were already in the compartment. Which made sense because Sirius had barely escaped his mother’s lecture in time to get on the bloody train. He flings himself onto the seat on the Hogwarts express dramatically. 

“Summer that bad? Huh?” Remus’ voice catches Sirius’ attention. The other boy is standing by the window, pausing in the middle of pulling a book from his trunk. He’s got his hands over his head to reach the luggage rack, and his shirt has lifted up, so Sirius can see an inch or so of the skin underneath. It makes him feel hot for a second, but his bad mood quickly returns.

“You have no idea,” Sirius grumbles. Two months in Grimmauld Place with only memories and letters. Not even  _ new _ letters. Walburga stopped letting him receive mail during the summer after their second year. Remus gives him a soft smile, and it makes Sirius’ stomach flip over. Sirius ignores the sensation. But, when Remus takes the window seat, Sirius shuffles along the bench to put his head in Remus’ lap. He’s glad that his friends have accepted his habit of invading their personal space. His eyes greedily take in the warm smile Remus gives him, and he feels happiness swell in his chest. 

He can hear James talking. He’s going on about playing quidditch this year and the tactics he’s been writing down from watching professional matches all summer. Peter is offering agreements and praise to keep him going. The sound of James’ voice soothes Sirius; his constant chatter is as much apart of Sirius’ life at Hogwarts as the castle itself.

Slowly he relaxes. He’s here. He’s with his friends. He’s with Remus. He’s with James. Grimmauld Place is already fading away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my calligraphy on this one, I wanted to get the chapter posted. I imagine that he has their names in the same fashion as on the Marauder's map. (I also think that it's Sirius' handwriting on the map, I think that he was forced to learn proper penmanship by his parents & tutors.
> 
> Let me know what you think in the comments.
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr](https://useless-slytherclaw.tumblr.com/) if you want!


	5. 1978: from growing up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Marauder's sneak out for a Queen Concert

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again the my beta [confundedgryffindor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/confundedgryffindor/pseuds/confundedgryffindor)

_ Some may be from showing up   
Others are from growing up   
Sometimes I was so messed up and didn't have a clue _

_ _

Hours ago the marauders had snuck out of Hogwarts via the Honey Duke’s cellar. There was no way all four seventeen-year-old boys could get under the cloak, so Remus and Sirius had shoved together under the cloak. James, armed with the map and protected by his head boy badge, snuck through the castle with Peter in animagus form in his pocket to join them. Peter had refused to go in Remus’ or Sirius’ pocket; he had no intention of being stuck between those two in close quarters. Once off of Hogwarts grounds, they’d apparated across Scotland to get to Edinburgh. They arrived queasy and dizzy from the long-distance apparition, but all of them made it so they didn’t care. Giving each other high-fives, they joined the throngs of muggles on their way to the Queen concert.

Sirius had hardly ever felt so alive. The music was so loud that it shook his bones. He couldn’t hear anything the other boys said, but it didn’t matter because he could see the smiles on their faces. He’d screamed along with the music until his throat hurt. They’d grabbed some cases of muggle beer and a bottle of whiskey and apparated back across Scotland to Hogsmeade, where they proceeded to get pissed. 

Now, the Marauders are stumbling along a street, singing the lyrics to Under Pressure. They are mostly out of tune and James only knows half the words, but none of that really matters. Sirius has one arm around James’ shoulders and one arm around Remus’ waist. Peter is on the other side of Remus. They can’t walk in a straight line down the sidewalk, but that doesn’t matter either. Because there’s no moon in the sky and the stars are laughing with them. It doesn’t even matter that it’s November and the wind is probably cold because they have each other’s body heat and the warmth of alcohol in their stomachs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> David Bowie really bent a lot of rules around self expression and masculinity (and his music was amazing). I know its common in the fandom for Sirius to like Bowie and Queen, and I agree with this. I imagine this is a small tattoo that he has maybe behind his ear. I can also imagine that he got it drunk or on a bet or some such thing.


	6. 1976: I ain't winning no one over

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius at the Potters'

_ I ain't winning no one over   
I wear it just for you   
I've got your name written here   
In a rose tattoo _

_ _

Sirius pulls on his new leather jacket and looks at himself in the mirror then turns around, hands in his pocket.  _ Do these jeans look good?  _ He brushes his hair to one side and then the other, biting his lip. He pulls his t-shirt down so a bit of his chest tattoo shows. 

He looks good; he knows he looks good. When he walks down the street with James, girls turn and look, and when he winks at them, they titter. But it isn’t the opinion of those girls he cares about. What will Remus think? Will he think that Sirius looks ridiculous?  _ Does _ he look ridiculous? 

“Oh, come on, Pads,” James sticks his head into Sirius’ room. Sirius still can’t believe he has his own room at James’ house. “Moony’ll think you look great. Come on. We don’t want to be late.”

James is right, he doesn’t want to be a minute late. He hasn’t seen Remus in ages. Okay, it’s been like two weeks, but it feels like ages. James and Sirius thunder down the stairs sounding more like a pair of hippogriffs than two teenage boys. Euphemia Potter is by the door beaming at them anyway. She grabs her son to kiss his forehead, but he pushes her away playfully. 

“Common, Mum, I’m almost seventeen.” Euphemia just laughs and lets him go. Sirius lets Mrs. Potter press a kiss to his forehead. He can’t push Mrs. Potter away when she gives him a hug or kisses his cheek; he’s never had anyone to give him forehead kisses or motherly hugs before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this tattoo is self explanatory; it represents his animagus form. I imagine it on his chest, where it might show just above his shirt (I know in the movie he has a different tattoo there, but whatever).
> 
> What do you think?


	7. 1977: I've got your name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus chilling behind the greenhouses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [confundedgryffindor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/confundedgryffindor/pseuds/confundedgryffindor) again

_ In a rose tattoo  
In a rose tattoo  
I've got your name written here   
In a rose tattoo _

_ _

Sirius is with Remus behind the greenhouses. They lay in the grass, shoulders pressed together. Sirius can’t help but watch as Moony puts the joint to his lips. He loves Remus’ lips; the way they taste, the way they twitch when he’s trying to be stern, the gentle curve of them when he smiles. He still can’t really believe that the beautiful boy next to him is his. It doesn’t matter that they’ve been dating for two years; it sometimes still feels like a dream, especially during moments like this when his brain is floating from whatever Remus had put in that joint. 

Remus hands him the joint; it’s almost gone now, but Sirius doesn’t care. He wants Moony more than he wants the joint. He sucks in the last few breaths and puts it out. As soon as his hands are free, he’s reaching for Remus. And Remus is right there, smiling, and reaching out for Sirius. 

It’s warm, and Sirius doesn’t mind as Remus undoes the button of his shirt. He sighs and leans into Remus’ touch as the other boy runs his hands over Sirius’ skin. Will he ever get tired of this? He hopes not. The sun is warm but not as warm as Remus’ touch. His own hands are occupied. He has one tangled in the soft strands of Moony’s hair and the other is on his boyfriend’s arse to pull him closer. 

The sun is shining down on them, and Sirius thinks that Remus looks like liquid gold, like honey. He pulls Remus down by his tie to press languid kisses into those beautiful lips. He closes his eyes and lets himself melt because Remus’ hands are on his skin and in his hair and the other boy tastes like sunshine and Sirius feels like he belongs. 

Remus’ fingers brush over the tattoo on Sirius’ hip. It’s a wolf howling at the moon. The moon waxes and wanes with the moon in the sky and right now it’s just a crescent. He can feel Remus’ lips twist in amusement, and he can practically hear him saying  _ you’re so ridiculous Pads.  _ Sirius hums happily into the kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my favorite drawings, and probably one of the best memories (in my opinion).   
> Its common in fandom for Sirius to have a wolf tattoo or a magic tattoo that waxes and wanes with the moon, so I kind of combined them here.


	8. 1971: Mischief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The marauders managing mischief

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [confundedgryffindor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/confundedgryffindor/pseuds/confundedgryffindor) for beta reading this work.

_ This ones for the mighty sea  
Mischief, gold and piracy _

Four boys are racing down a long stone corridor. The portraits are tutting about ‘youth with no manners’ and ‘running in school’, but the boys are breathless with laughter. The door ahead of them is closed and locked like it always is. Sirius is fumbling in his pocket for his wand because he’s the only one who's mastered  _ Alohamora _ completely. Sirius is secretly happy about that because it means that they need him.

“Faster, Sirius, faster,” James is hissing in his ear, as Sirius gets his wand out. He can feel James pressed behind him.

“Hurry up!” Peter is shifting from foot to foot as Sirius taps the lock and it opens. They pile in and slam the door behind them. It’s only a broom closet and the four of them are squashed together. Remus’ elbow is in Sirius’ side and he has a face full of James’ hair, but he doesn’t care.

Remus is shushing them. They have to hold their hands over their mouths to keep silent because their bodies are shaking with laughter. 

They can hear the uneven footsteps of the caretaker, Mr. Filch outside. Peter presses his ear pressed to the door and his eyes are wide as they wait in silence. 

“He’s gone!” Peter finally announces, and the four of them tumble out of the closet into a pile on the stone floor. But none of them cares. 

James punches his fist in the air in triumph with a cry of “Mischief managed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my calligraphy, I'm years out of practice. This is another obvious tattoo. For the memory, I tried to imagine the first time they used the phrase.


	9. 1976: Bravery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius sees Walburga and Orion for the first time since he ran away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [confundedgryffindor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/confundedgryffindor/pseuds/confundedgryffindor) for beta reading this work.

_ This one’s for the man that raised me  
Taught me sacrifice and bravery _

__

Sirius walks between James and Mr. Potter. James and Sirius are pushing their school trunk laden trolleys towards Platform 9 ¾. Sirius’ stomach is flip-flopping so much he might throw up. He knows his mother will be there, and he hasn’t seen her since he ran away, since he was disowned. He doesn’t doubt for a single second that Walburga will come up with something nasty for him. 

Mr. Potter must have noticed Sirius’ anxiety because he places a comforting hand on his shoulder. “We’re here with you, son.”

Sirius offers him a half-smile. Then, James and Sirius rush the wall one after another and emerge onto the platform. It’s just as chaotic as always, and Sirius really smiles; he’s going back to Hogwarts. He’s going home. James gestures and they start making their way towards the steam engine, turning their heads in every direction, searching for their friends. 

“I don’t believe it.” His mother’s voice hits Sirius like a curse, freezing him in place. It cuts through the din of children and animals and families, like an arrow to his chest. “I knew the Potters were blood traitors, but this is a new low. They’re taking in the trash.” 

Sirius can’t help but look at her. She has the look on her face that she always does when she sees him; like there’s something disgusting in front of her that she can’t get rid of. It still hurts. 

Sirius jumps as Mr. Potter places a hand on his shoulder. Mrs. Potter is right behind him. Euphemia gives him a motherly smile. “You’re an amazing boy, Sirius. If Walburga can’t tell trash from treasure, that is her loss and our gain.” 

Sirius feels warmth rushing through him. He gives Mrs. Potter the warmest smile he can. 

“Come now,” Orion Black’s voice surprises Sirius. He doesn’t normally see his sons— son— off to school. “The filth isn’t worth upsetting yourself.”

Sirius feels like he’s taken a bludger to the stomach. 

“I should curse him,” Walburga hisses. She looks at Sirius like she really wants him dead this time. It takes every ounce of his Gryffindor courage to not recoil from her. She’s opening her mouth to say something else when Mr. Potter breaks in. 

“Walburga Black.” His normally kind voice is hard and fierce. Sirius has never heard anything like it. “You will refrain from threatening either of my sons. I will not tell you again.”

Sirius is gaping at him. The Blacks are dark wizards, the darkest, and Fleamont is  _ threatening _ them. He doesn’t even look worried, let alone scared. He remembers that Fleamont was in Gryffindor too, and Sirius feels proud, proud to be in the same house as this man. Proud that this man is his… father, of sorts. Sirius has never felt anything like this before.

Walburga’s face is a mask of anger, and Sirius can tell that she’s about to go off. There is about to be a big scene in front of everyone, and he wants to melt into the floor. Not so Gryffindor after all.

Then Regulus is taking his mother’s hand and turning her away. He’s comforting her. He gives Sirius an unreadable look and walks away with Walburga and Orion. 

Sirius knows he’s standing and staring, but he can’t help it. Then Mr. Potter is there again. he’s turning Sirius away and pushing him towards the train. “Best get on the train, Remus and Peter will be looking for you both.” He says as if nothing in the world is the matter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These lyrics were hard to match since 'the man who raised' Sirius is Orion, and he certainly wouldn't want to commemorate that. I also doubt he learned bravery from him. Luckily, Sirius' other father figure is Fleamont, who was a Gryffindor. I imagine that he would have defended Sirius once he adopted him... and maybe before. So here we are.
> 
> Again, I'm not a tattoo artist nor is my penmanship amazing.


	10. 1977: Our favorite game

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Gryffindor wins the house cup!” ft. Dorlene, Jily, and wolfstar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [confundedgryffindor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/confundedgryffindor/pseuds/confundedgryffindor) for beta reading this work.

_ This ones for our favorite game   
Black and gold, we wave the flag _

_ _

Sirius enjoys Quidditch, but not the way James does. James loves it; he practically lives it. And Sirius loves the joy on his brother’s face when they fly, when they  _ win. _ That’s why Sirius is in his Quidditch uniform hundreds of feet above the ground, and he’s got both hands off his broom to swing his beaters bat. Mulciber can have that bloody bludger right back. 

But now all Sirius can hear is cheering. He looks up and sees a tide of red and gold. Emmeline is on the ground with the Snitch caught in her hand. Sirius is racing towards the ground as fast as he can. He tumbles off his broom.

“You did it! You fucking did it! We won!” Sirius is pounding her on the back as hard as he can, but she doesn’t seem to mind. The rest of the team is descending now and they are all smiling, even Marlene, who still has blood on her face from taking a bludger to the nose earlier. 

“Gryffindor wins the house cup!” The announcer’s voice manages to break over the crowd. The team is hugging and crying and they are moving towards the stands, where Dumbledore is standing with the house cup. McGonagall is right there, and Sirius could swear there are tears in her eyes.

James, the team captain, brandishes the cup over his head; he’s grinning like a madman. A familiar group of people are pushing their way through the flood of red and gold: Remus, Lily, Dorcas, and Peter. Sirius watches as Dorcas grabs Marlene by her uniform and kisses her. Marlene looks so shocked that Sirius thinks she might fall over, but then she throws her arms around Dorcas and kisses her back so intensely that Sirius is a bit surprised when they don’t combust. Lily seems to take a page from Dorcas’ book because she leans forward and presses a kiss to James’ lips. And the kiss only lasts a second, but James looks like he’s lost all contact with the earth. He’s completely frozen, the Quidditch cup practically is forgotten as he stares at the redhead in front of him. Sirius is starting to feel left out until he feels a warm around his shoulder and turns to see Remus holding him. Remus’ eyes are bright and his cheeks are pink from the wind, and he looks so incredibly kissable that Sirius nearly forgets himself and snogs him right there in front of everyone. But instead, Remus pulls them through the crowd, towards somewhere private, and Sirius is running after him laughing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine that this tattoo is animated, the lines indicated rapid motion of the bludgers, rather than being an actual part of the design. 
> 
> I set the story in 1977, because I imagine this is one of Jily's first kisses. The tattoo says 1978 because that was his last year playing, they could have won the house cup twice in a row. Yea, they won the house cup twice in a row.


	11. 1976: my family name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After The Prank

_This ones for my family name  
With pride I wear it to the grave _

__

Snape is looking at him with so much hate, Sirius can feel it like ice on his skin. Then again, Sirius almost got him killed, so maybe he deserves it. 

“Where are your friends, Black,” Snape spits. “Abandon you did they? Can’t say as I blame them. Your own parents don’t even want you.”

Sirius fights the urge to collapse in on himself. James, Remus, Peter… he knows why they are mad at him, and he deserves it, but it still hurts. He knows his parents don’t want him; he’s known it for a long time, but that still hurts too. But, the Marauders… Sirius isn’t sure when that name had come to mean family to him. Their loss hurts so much it’s hard to breathe. All he can do is sneer at Snape. He has no words. 

“The half-breed doesn’t even want you. How pathetic.” Rage, not for his own sake, but for Remus who is kind and good and does not deserve Snape’s words pushes him out of his sorrow. He opens his mouth.

“Really want to talk about parents who don’t want their children, Snivellus?” James' voice comes from behind him. Sirius turns. James and Remus are there. James is ruffling his hair, and Remus is leaning against the wall, holding his wand lazily, like he doesn’t even need it. 

“Didn’t know you were so interested in who the half-breed cares about.” Hearing the word half-breed on Remus’ lips almost makes Sirius cringe; he hates it. “Sorry, but it’s a closed list, Snivellus.” 

Sirius can count on one hand how many times Remus has called Snape Snivellus. 

“Let’s go, Pads,” James says casually even though it’s been almost a week of silence from the marauders, from his family. 

“Come on or we’ll be late for lunch; Pete’ll go spare,” Remus says, shrugging himself off the wall. Sirius doesn’t say anything, he doesn’t know the right words. There aren’t words. Words that can fix what he’s done. Words that say how grateful he is. Words that show his sorrow. He can find none of them. After a few steps, he hears a thud behind him. He looks over his shoulder and sees Snape on the ground under the full body bind. He stares at Remus next to him; James can’t do that kind of nonverbal magic. Remus is still holding his wand lazily, he hadn’t even looked behind him. 

“I—“ Sirius starts, but he still doesn’t have the words. James seems to realize he’s floundering and gives him the tiniest smile. Sirius’ heart soars. 

“I won’t let anyone treat my brother that way,” he says easily. 

“But—“ Sirius starts again, he knows that they are angry. He knows he deserves it.

“Just because I’m furious with you,” Remus says not sounding angry at all. “Doesn’t mean that I’m going to abandon you to the Slytherins.”

“Marauders are family, Padfoot,” James says as if that explains everything, and to him it does. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my head, this tattoo is written in James' handwriting. Perhaps when he proposed the idea like the dork that he is. Again, the lyrics here are about 'my family name' and for Sirius that would be strictly speaking Black, but I highly doubt he'd commemorate it. Instead, I went with the name of his chosen family. What do you think?


	12. 1978: showing up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some boys running around as animagii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [confundedgryffindor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/confundedgryffindor/pseuds/confundedgryffindor) for beta reading this work.

_ Some may be from showing up  
Others are from growing up _

_ _

“Wanna go for a run?” Sirius has been watching James for ten minutes now. James is uncharacteristically tense. He’s been tense since the news this morning since Lily Evans opened the prophet and Mary McDonald ran out of the room crying. More attacks on Muggle-borns. 

“What?” James turns his head to Sirius, too lost in his own thoughts to catch Sirius’ words.

“Let’s go for a run,” Sirius says. James knows what he means. 

“Yea,” James says. Then more confidently, “Yeah!”

Sirius stands up from his bed and the pair of them head out. Sirius waves at Remus, who is in the common room with his head buried in a book. Remus doesn’t notice, and Sirius rolls his eyes. “His problem when he can’t find us later.”

James laughs at that. Sirius smiles, if James is laughing again, it can’t be too bad. They make their way down through the castle. They step into an alcove off the entrance hall to get under the cloak. They barely both fit under it anymore; Sirius is too tall. But, it’s too familiar to be claustrophobic as they make their way across the ground and towards the forest. Once they are far enough in the no one can see them from the grounds, they get out from the cloak. James folds it up and puts it back in his pocket. 

Two heartbeats later there is a stag and a dog standing where the two boys had been. The dog barks and his tongue hangs out of his mouth. The stag tosses his head. Then the stag is off, racing through the woods, and the dog is right behind it.

The world is much easier in animagus form. The world is condensed to the smells of the forest and the feeling of running. The stag moves through the woods in graceful leaps and sure steps. The dog chases happily. It's strange running here without the wolf, without the rat. But it’s good all the same. The trees embrace the two not quite animals and share with them their peace. 

An hour later, the dog catches the stag. Suddenly, there’s a boy with messy black hair laughing as a large black dog licks his face. James is trying to push Sirius off, but he’s laughing too hard.

“That’s disgusting, Sirius. You aren’t actually a dog you know!”

In that moment, Sirius returns to human form. He licks James' face again. It’s Sirius' turn to laugh, and James easily pushes him off with a yell of “Sirius!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I imagine this tattoo wrapping around one of his forearms. This isn't the best drawing (I know) but there are some really cool forest forearm tattoos.


	13. 1968: Just for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Regulus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Implied child abuse

_ Sometimes I was so messed up and didn't have a clue   
I ain't winning no one over   
I wear it just for you   
I've got your name written here   
In a rose tattoo   
_

_ _

Both Walburga and Orion Black are out of the house. That means, that for two whole hours, Regulus and Sirius have the house to themselves. For those two hours, Regulus and Sirius can almost pretend to be normal boys, almost. Sirius is chasing Regulus up and down the halls and the stairs, past sneering portraits and house-elf heads. The boys are pretending to be pirates. Sirius read about a wizard who had used his magic to become a pirate king several hundred years ago and had become obsessed. 

The boys are sword fighting with canes that they had found in their father’s study. The clack of wood on wood echoes through the house. Laughter often follows it. The silence of the house seems to muffle the laughter faster than other sounds as if it’s fighting off a foreign invader.

The bell rings for 1 pm. The boys instantly freeze where they stand. They have fifteen minutes before their parents get home. In a rush of limbs and frantic energy, they careen down the stairs towards their father’s study. Regulus’ foot catches on the carpet as he nears the bottom of the steps, and he goes arse over teakettle down the last two stairs. He lands with an ‘oof’ as his breath is forcefully exhaled. But, it’s the sharp crack of wood that scares both boys. The cane Regulus had been holding had caught on the stair under him and snapped.

“Are you okay?” Sirius asks, rushing down the last two stairs and falling to his knees by his brother’s side, scared that the sound had been his brother breaking a bone. 

Regulus is white, but he nods. “It wasn’t me, Siri.” He reaches under himself to pull out the cane. Both boys stare at it and their fair skin goes paler and paler. Sirius grips it and there’s a clicking sound. The two pieces of the cane become one again, but it’s still clearly broken.

“Merlin’s pants,” Sirius says.

“Sirius you can’t!” Regulus starts to tell his brother off for swearing.

“Okay,” Sirius says. His smoothing his hair down. “Okay. Regulus, go back up to your room.”

“What?” Regulus is confused.

“I’ll tell them I broke it. They’ll think it was me anyway.”

“Sirius,” Regulus starts.

“We don’t have much time,” Sirius says. The boys reach out and straighten each other’s collars, cuffs, robes, and hair with an ease that no seven and eight-year-old boys should have. 

Regulus takes a few steps up the stairs and stops. He’s biting his lip and looking at his brother, who is putting the undamaged cane back in his father’s office.

“Go!” Sirius says. Regulus goes; he’s not as brave as Sirius. He shuts his door and hides in his bed. He covers his ears when he hears his parents open the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tattoo is the constellation Leo, with the star Regulus emphasized. Sirius expresses in OoTP that he thinks his brother was soft. But, he doesnt seem to hate him the way that he hates the others. I think he cares about his brother even if he hates the path he chose


	14. 1975: I've got you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Protecting Peter

_In a rose tattoo  
In a rose tattoo  
I've got your name written here, _

__

“Where’s Pete?” Sirius asks at the same time that James says “We need Pete.”

Remus raises a finger to his lips and points at Peter’s bed. The curtains are drawn tight. James starts to move towards the bed, probably planning to hit Peter with a pillow or something, but Remus grabs him by the arm. Identical curious expressions appear on Sirius’ and James’ faces. They follow Remus into the hallway. 

“Muffliato.” Remus’ voice is calm, but Sirius thinks he can see a flash of anger there.

“Is Wormy alright?” James asks immediately.

Remus gives a one-shoulder shrug. “He doesn’t want to tell you because he thinks you’ll laugh at him.”

“What’s he done now?” Sirius asks. Maybe he’s blown up his cauldron again or turned his hair pink. But why’d he’d be so upset? All of the marauders had done stupid things and they all laughed at each other. 

“Wormy asked out Bronwyn Griffiths,” Remus says.

“Good for him!” Sirius smiles, and then frowns; that still doesn’t explain why Wormy is hiding in his bed.

“She laughed in his face.” Remus finishes.

“That bitch,” Sirius says at the same time that James says “How dare she.”

Remus watches them as Sirius and James exchange one of their looks. He’s given up trying to decipher the wordless language that goes between Padfoot and Prongs, so he just waits. 

“Doesn’t Bronwyn fancy Sirius, Moony?” James says, without looking away from Sirius.

“Yes?”

“Great!” Sirius says. James and Sirius turn on their heels and start walking back towards the common room.

“Guys?”

“No, you don’t want to know.” They say together, so Remus doesn’t ask. 

Twenty minutes later, while Remus is comforting Peter with hot chocolate that the house elves, who love Peter, happily supply, James and Sirius are causing a scene in the Great Hall. 

Sirius loudly tells Bronwyn that he’d choose a rat over her any day. Bronwyn starts to run out of the hall. James is standing next to Sirius by the Gryffindor table, has his hand on his wand deep in his robe pocket. Bronwyn trips and falls. Most of the Great Hall is laughing now. Bronwyn runs out, with her hands over her face.

“That wasn’t very nice,” Lily frowns at Sirius.

“She should have thought of that before she messed with Peter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tattoo is Peter's name written in runes. I imagine that he has this on his left hand (James is on his right). 
> 
> Yes, Sirius and James just publicly humiliated a girl and tripped her in front of everyone. Remember what they did to Snape?


	15. 1976: your name

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [confundedgryffindor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/confundedgryffindor/pseuds/confundedgryffindor) for beta reading this work.

_ In a rose tattoo  
I've got your name written here  
In a rose tattoo _

_ _

“Sirius! Sirius!” Someone is shaking Sirius’ shoulders. Suddenly he’s awake. He’s covered in cold sweat. James is there, glasses only halfway up his nose and hair a mess from sleep—well, a  _ bigger _ mess from sleep. “Just a dream, mate.”

Sirius groans and lays back in bed. The white sheets tell him that he’s at the Potter’s place. He scrubs his hands over his face. He doesn’t remember the dream, but he’s sure it’s something about his mother and Grimmauld place. Or, if his brain really hates him, it’s about his father and Grimmauld place. 

“Sorry for waking you.”

“It’s nothing.” James offers Sirius a smile. His smile is so open and honest that it never fails to make Sirius smile as well. The sun is starting to come through the window, and it illuminates James’ dark skin and flashes on his glasses.

“What time is it?” Sirius asks, but he’s already sitting up and moving towards the edge of the bed. There’s no way he’s getting more sleep tonight.

“Probably 5 am or so.” James laughs when Sirius groans. 

“Guess I’m joining you for Quidditch practice this morning.” 

“Yea!” James shouts, making a victory fist. He doesn’t complain that it’s too early for quidditch, even though he normally wouldn’t start for another hour or two. He doesn’t bring up Sirius’s dreams. He doesn’t bring up how Sirius showed up looking half dead last week. He just races off to his room to change. And Sirius can’t help but smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tattoo is James in futhark runes. I imagine that this is on his right hand.


	16. 1976: the most to me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius and Remus on the Astronomy Tower

_ This one means the most to me  
It stays here for eternity _

Sirius is sitting up on the Astronomy Tower. He dangles his feet over the edge and stares up at the sky. Sirius hates the night sky; the stars remind him of his family, and the moon makes him think of Remus’ suffering. Right now, though, he’s thinking of his family as he watches cigarette smoke curl up into the sky. His legs hurt where they’re pressed against the stones. No matter how much he shifts, he can’t alleviate the pain from the wounds. His mother’s warnings are echoing around his head. He’s starting to think that she might actually kill him one of these days.

He’s too caught up in his thoughts to hear footsteps approaching. He jumps when a voice comes from beside him.

“Are you going to hide up here all night?” 

Remus sits next to Sirius. He reaches out and takes Sirius’ hand. Sirius smiles at his boyfriend, who has been following Sirius up this tower for the last five years. 

“I just...” Sirius doesn’t know what to say. Even to Moony.  _ I think my mother might kill me? I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m scared. What if she’s right about me? She says that you guys will get tired of me. I know I’m annoying. I’m scared. _ He doesn’t say any of this.

Remus watches him in silence. He wiggles closer to Sirius. He moves as if to embrace Sirius, but lets his arm fall.

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Remus says gently. Suddenly, Sirius remembers a day, almost exactly five years ago. Sirius’ mother had sent a howler after his sorting, and he had been huddled on his bed, trying not to cry. Remus had crawled right onto his bed and wrapped an arm around his shoulder and pressed into his side and said  _ you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to _ .

“I don’t know what I would do without you,” Sirius admits, pressing himself into Remus’ side. He winces as his legs move against the stone. Sirius sees a flash in Remus’ eyes and knows that the other boy saw him wince. Remus will probably drag him to the hospital wing tomorrow, where Madam Pomphrey will politely not ask any questions. They sit in silence for a long time, and eventually Remus puts his arm around Sirius.

“Whatever she said,” Remus says suddenly. Sirius jerks in surprise. “Don’t look at me like that. You always look the same after she sends you a letter or when you’re doubting yourself.”

Sirius shifts uncomfortably, then winces at the pain in his legs. He doesn’t like the idea of being so transparent, even to Remus.

“Sirius.” Remus turns and looks directly into Sirius’ eyes and rests a hand on Sirius’ cheek. Their faces are inches apart now. “You know that I love you, right? Whatever you are worrying about. Whatever problems you have. You are loved.

Sirius just stares into those forest green eyes, but he’s not sure what he’s searching for. A punchline? A joke? But all he sees is sincerity and concern. And all at once he’s overwhelmed. Love? In 15 years, his parents have never said that they love him. James has said some shit about “I love you guys.” But no one has ever told Sirius that they love him. His eyes are burning, and he throws his arms around Remus. He can’t talk, his throat is too tight, so he just holds Remus as tight as he can and hopes that the other boy understands what he can’t say:  _ I love you too. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tattoo translates to "always loved" and its a play on the Black Family motto of "Toujours pur" or always pure. I like the idea of Sirius taking something of there's and making it his own in a way they would hate.


	17. 1977: An Anchor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Morning after the full moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to [confundedgryffindor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/confundedgryffindor/pseuds/confundedgryffindor) for beta reading this work.

_ A ship that always stays the course  
An anchor for my every choice  
A rose that shines down from above _

_ _

As Remus’ howls turn into human screams, Padfoot shifts anxiously on his four feet. Prongs and Wormy are headed back to the castle. Sirius desperately wants to turn human and hold Remus, because he hates the sounds of those screams. But, he has to wait until Remus is all the way human. It's Remus’ rules. There’s also the fact that he could hurt him if he touched him before the transformation was done. 

But soon, Remus is lying on the floor panting, naked and entirely human. Sirius turns human mid-step and staggers a bit as he approaches his boyfriend. He gently pulls him into a sitting position. No injuries besides a few scratches from tree branches. 

“G’morning,” Remus mumbles.

“Good morning, love,” Sirius says. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired.” Remus smiles. Sirius can see that his muscles are still trembling from the strain of the change, but he doesn’t challenge Remus’ answer. Instead, he kisses his forehead.

“Let’s get you dressed before Pomfrey gets here.” Remus groans, but allows Sirius to help him into his robes. Sirius puts Remus’ arm under his shoulder and helps him to the bed. He would happily just carry him over, but Remus is too stubborn for his own good. 

“Get some rest now,” Sirius says. Remus smiles but pulls Sirius down for one more kiss. Sirius retreats to the door of the Shack and watches Remus fall asleep. He thinks about his ten-year-old self. Ten-year-old Sirius never would have believed that he would one day be here. Ten-year-old Sirius had never had a proper hug before. He couldn’t imagine casually embracing someone, let alone offering kisses. Sirius is so desperately grateful to the marauders for changing him. 

He watches Remus rest. Remus, who is so good and kind that he makes Sirius want to do better, to be better. 

“I love you,” he whispers. Before he turns into a dog and exits the shack. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tattoo represents the phases of the moon, as I'm sure you can gather. I imagine that it goes down Sirius' spine. I place it horizontally in the fic because it's better that way for reading.


	18. 1977: In a song

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A party ft. stupid teenage boys

_ I signed and sealed these words in blood   
I heard them once, sung in a song   
It played again and we sang along _

_ _

The four beds of the Marauder’s dorms are shoved as far to the sides of the room as possible so that they can party. The record player is floating above Sirius’s bed and playing his records. Lily, Marlene, Dorcas, and Mary have joined them. They are all drinking and dancing or trying to. Sirius is trying to goad Remus into dancing. Dorcas is dancing with Lily, and Marlene is half dancing, half staring at Dorcas as if she has never seen anything so beautiful in her life. James is watching Lily, but he’s dancing in a small group with Mary and Peter. 

The song on the record ends and the record changes. Sirius can hear Remus groan, but Sirius is grinning like a mad man. He drags Moony towards Prongs, who grabs Wormy. 

When the lyrics came “Get your motor runnin'! Head out on the highway! Lookin' for adventure!”

Sirius and James belt out the lyrics like their lives depend on it. Peter joins in, enthusiastically, but not as loud. Remus rolls his eyes but joins in for: “Like a true nature's child, We were born, born to be wild.”

The girls are all laughing. But the boys are hanging on each other’s shoulders and singing and enjoying themselves too much to care.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are so many song lyrics I could have gone with. But, this is something that i really think Sirius would love. Would he get smashed and stupidly get it tattooed? I think so.


	19. 1975: Our memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius is stuck at Grimmauld place and missing his friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for child abuse

_You'll always be here with me  
Even if you're gone  
You'll always have my love  
Our memory will live on _

__

“Absolutely not.” Sirius told his mother when she told him about the engagement she has been planning with Mrs. Carrow. 

“The Carrows are a good family, Sirius,” his mother explains. “Alecto is only two years behind you. It’s a good match.”

“I’m fifteen! I’m not even an adult.”

His mother looks at the ceiling like she’s praying for patience. “You are _almost_ an adult.” Sirius thinks it’s funny that she says that now when she’s constantly reminding him that he is a child under her roof. “You don’t have to get married until after Hogwarts.”

“I’m not getting married at all!” Sirius interjects. Walburga brandishes her wand at him in a silent threat not to interrupt her. _Silencio_ will be the least of his worries if he keeps pushing her. 

“Cissy was 13 when she agreed to marry Lucius. This is how things are done, Sirius. You know this.” She continues as if Sirius hasn’t said anything. “Can’t you see? This is what’s best. You have your whole life ahead of you, Sirius. Your father and I want to set you up for success. Can’t you see that? You are the heir to the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black, you can be the best of them. You have it in you. We want to set you on the right path.”

“I don’t want this!” He yells. “You can’t make me marry someone I’ve never even talked to.”

“You’ll get to know her,” his mother starts.

“I don’t want to! I don’t love her! I won’t love her.” He can’t tell his mother that he loves a certain brown-haired boy, that there’s a werewolf that has his entire heart. Not ever. 

“You don’t need to love her. That isn’t what this is about.” 

“I won’t!”

“Sirius,” she says and her voice is rapidly growing impatient. “You are acting like a child.”

“You are acting like a controlling old hag.” Sirius spits at her. And he can see in her face that he’s gone too far. With a flick of her wand, Sirius feels his voice leave him. 

“You will take your punishment for impertinence.” His mother says. “Then you will apologize. Then, you will go to your room until you are ready to be reasonable and mature.” 

Sirius can’t respond. He knows he should bow to her. He should take the lashings. But he doesn’t. He can see her mentally counting, giving him time to take his punishment politely. He doesn’t. Walburga sighs as if she is the one being wronged as she moves her wand, forcing Sirius down onto his knees. He doesn’t wince as his knees hit the hardwood; he’s been here before. Another movement of her wand and his spine is bowing so he’s cowering before her, and his face is almost pressed into the hardwood. Despite himself, he gasps as the pain hits. It’s not _crucio_. He actually doesn’t know what it is. It’s something that mimics being hit with a switch, without the physical damage. Sirius bites back a groan as the pain fills him. It feels like he should be bleeding, but he’s not. Ten switches later, he’s muttering, "Sorry mother," into the floor and being dragged by Kreacher back to his bedroom. 

So, Sirius doesn’t care that he’s locked in his bedroom. It’s not as if he wants to be out there. He reaches into his school trunk and pulls up the false bottom. His two-way mirror for James is in here, but that’s not what he’s looking for. He pulls out a piece of parchment. It’s ragged around the edges from how many times he’s read it. 

_Pads,_

_I know we won’t be able to write to you for the summer, so I hid this in your trunk. I’m going to miss you while I’m stuck in Wales all summer. I hate thinking of you in that stupid house._

_These last few months together have been amazing. Not that the last four years as your friend wasn’t amazing. You know what I mean._

_I’ll miss sitting with you in the astronomy tower. I’ll miss your laughter and your kisses. I’ll miss passing notes in classes._

_I sound like a sappy idiot don’t I? You are probably rolling your eyes. Still. I want you to know that I’ll be thinking of you, and I hope that you think of me too._

_September can’t come fast enough,_

_Moony_

Remus and kissing on the Astronomy tower seem so far away right then. But he clutches the parchment and wills the memory to fill him up. No matter what his parents do to him. This is his. This is real. 

He reaches for the two-way mirror next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my head, the tattoo is in Remus' handwriting, from the letter he wrote to Sirius. With how he was raised, Sirius probably doesn't feel lovable or loved most of the time (even when he is). I think a tattoo like this would permanent reminder that he's cared for.


	20. 1979: Showing Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus and Sirius at pride

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of homophobia, but really its about gay acceptance

_ Some may be from showing up  
Others are from growing up  
Sometimes I was so messed up and didn't have a clue _

_ _

“Muggles are mad,” Sirius whispers to Remus. They are in London—Highbury Fields to be exact—and they are standing close together, staring. On the street in front of them is the London Pride Parade. Sirius thought that Remus was playing a prank on him when he told them that muggles were marching for gay rights because really, the thought of standing in the middle of the street waving a sign that announced that he’s gay is more than his Gryffindor courage could manage.

He can see the muggle police—he thinks they are called that anyway—around the event. There are so many of them. He’s not sure if they are controlling the parade or protecting it, but he doesn’t ask Remus. 

Remus grabs his hand and squeezes it. And for a second, Sirius imagines a different world, one where he can stand on the sidewalk like this and hold Remus’ hand. No one to hex them from behind. No parents to put him, or Remus, under the killing curse. A world where he could kiss Remus without locked doors or invisibility cloaks. 

Suddenly, Remus’ hand tightens on his, and Sirius looks up. There’s a woman there with a sign that says “My gay son is the greatest.” Sirius feels his eyes going wide. The man next to her is wearing a shirt that says “Gay Fathers” and there’s a woman with a sign that says “parents of gay children”.

Parents  _ supporting _ their gay children? Sirius can’t take his eyes away. Muggle women in nice dresses and shoes, with signs about gay children? Fathers,  _ fathers, _ supporting their gay sons. In his mind he sees his mother blasting Alphard off the tapestry because of  _ rumors _ . Sirius doesn’t realize he’s shaking until he feels Remus put his arm around his shoulders. 

A woman is coming towards them now, through the police. Sirius’ first thought is to flee. Is she actually a wizard? Should they leave? Maybe this whole thing was a bad idea. 

But, she’s looking at them with a kind smile, and it reminds him of Euphemia. She’s younger than Euphemia, though, about the age of Mrs. Lupin. 

“You both look like you need a hug from a mum,” she says and wraps her arm around Sirius and Remus both. Sirius stares at Remus over her head and the other boy looks just as bewildered as he feels. Then the woman stands on her tiptoes and kisses each of them on the cheek. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The inverted equilateral triangle was used during the holocaust to identify gay men in the camps. Later, it was reclaimed as a pride symbol. 
> 
> I wanted a symbol of pride that was incredibly subtle. Gay relationships weren't legal until 1967 in Britain and 1980 in Scotland. The first pride parade in London was in 1972. I imagine that pureblood wizards are very anti-gay given their obsession with blood lines and passing on the name.


	21. 1980: your name

_ I ain't winning no one over  
I wear it just for you  
I've got your name written here  
In a rose tattoo   
In a rose tattoo   
In a rose tattoo _

_ _

Remus is sitting on the couch with a book, and Sirius is lying with his head in Remus' lap. His eyes are closed, and he’s listening to the soft crackle of the fire. Remus is idly running the fingers of his free hand through Sirius' hair. It’s so nice to have their own apartment, where they can lay together and touch each other and no one can say anything. 

Sirius opens his eyes to watch Remus. Remus is smiling at his book like he just read something funny. Sirius used to get jealous when Remus was lost in his world smiling at jokes that didn’t involve Sirius. Remus used to get jealous about the Hogwarts girls who could so obviously chase after Sirius. Now, Sirius enjoys whatever makes Moony smile, and Remus laughs about girls who are too blind to tell that Sirius is gay. 

“What are you thinking about, Pads?” Remus’ voice breaks into Sirius’ thoughts. He sets his book aside and looks at Sirius with curiosity. Sirius smiles and decides it’s time to take advantage of the fact that Remus has put his book down. 

“I’m thinking about how you look when you’re happy.” Sirius moves so he’s sitting up and on Remus’ lap. “How much I love your lips when you smile.”

Remus gives him an absolutely radiant smile before Sirius kisses him and words are done for a long while. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The tattoo is Remus' name in runes. I imagine that its tattooed over his heart.


	22. 1981: here

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The birth of harry potter

_ I've got your name written here,  
In a rose tattoo  
In a rose tattoo  
In a rose tattoo _

_ _

“Sirius!” He hears James’ voice coming from the two-way mirror sitting on the table. He lunges for it. 

“Prongs?”

“Get Moony! Get over here! Lily’s having the baby!” James is practically yelling with excitement. Sirius hasn’t seen his brother this happy in a long time, probably since his wedding. 

“We’ll be there asap.” Sirius is already setting down the mirror.

“Remus!” Sirius yells, even as he runs towards the bedroom.

He gets an unintelligible response from the man asleep on the bed. Sirius doesn’t remember what time Remus got home last night. He’s probably only been asleep a few hours. Oh well.

“Remus, Remus,” Sirius is shaking Moony’s shoulder. 

“Oi,” Remus is awake now, face sleepy, eyes scrunched against the light. “What on earth?”

“The baby!” Sirius yells, Prongs’ excitement starting to fill up Sirius too. 

“Oh!” Remus practically falls out of bed. The two men are silent for several frantic moments as they hunt for clothes. Remus ends up with one of Sirius t-shirts, but he’s not worried about it just then. He pulls a sweater on top anyway. 

“You’re going to be a godfather!” Remus says as they rush towards the fireplace. 

“Don’t let me bugger this up, Remus,” Sirius says, looking serious for a moment.

“I’ll do my best,” Remus says. But then he gives Sirius a lopsided smile. “You’ll be great. Let’s go before Prongs explodes.”

They burst through the fire, and into the Potters’ house. Sirius is embracing James and pounding him on the back. Remus leans against the wall and watches his friends with a fond smile. When the two men have finished embracing, James turns to Remus.

“Shouldn’t you be with Lily, James?” Remus asks with a smile. “I’m sure she wants you by her side.”

“Oh, right!” James runs his hands through his hair and starts taking the stairs two at a time. “I’ll get you guys when she says it’s okay.”

Sirius and Remus smile at James’ back. It’s so good to see their friend acting like himself again: excitable, forgetful, happy. As the pair wait in the sitting room, it feels like the war has been pushed back for a while. They can breathe easier. They can smile at each other. 

When James returns, they follow him up the stairs in silence. The healer has gone and when they enter the room, it’s just a tired-looking Lily and a bundle of blankets.

“How are you, Lily?” Remus asks. 

“I’m alive,” she says and then she smiles at the bundle in her arms. “I feel bloody terrible, but I’ve never been happier in my life.”

James takes the baby and offers him to Sirius, who has suddenly gone very pale.

“I, I don’t know how to hold a baby. I’ve never held a baby.” His voice is high pitched and slightly panicked. Lily laughs. James shows Sirius how to hold Harry. 

Sirius stares down at the baby in his arms. His skin is pink all over and he has a small amount of black hair on his head. Sirius stares at the baby for a long time, and his face is unusually soft. 

“I love you, Harry James Potter," he whispers. “I promise I’ll always be here for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The numbers are Harry's birth date.


	23. 1980: to the grave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An Order mission turns deadly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for character death and violence

_ With pride I'll wear it to the grave for you  
In a rose tattoo  
In a rose tattoo _

_ _

Sirius and Remus are back to back with Fabian and Giddeon. But there are too many Death Eaters, so many Death Eaters. Curses are flying in every direction. In Remus’ pocket, he has the plans that they came to get. The Death Eaters are planning something with the werewolves; Remus had come to warn them. Greyback and Voldemort are in league, and he has an entire pack of werewolves at his command. They were going to attack people at the next full moon, but Remus didn’t know who. They have to know who. 

Sirius thinks of five-year-old Remus attacked by Greyback while he slept in his bed, and he has to make sure that doesn’t happen again. They’ve got the list from Bella’s house, but now they can’t get out. Sirius’ free hand is desperately holding on to Remus. They’ve been fighting this war for so long, and a hundred times Sirius thought he was going to die, but nothing like this. There’s no way out. He knows the wards protecting this house, they can’t disapparate until they get past the gates. And no one is coming to save them. 

Sirius takes a risk and looks at Remus. His hair is wild and damp with sweat. His face is set in grim determination. Sirius is suddenly struck with the knowledge that this may be the last time he ever sees him, and his knees feel weak. He wants to clutch Remus and never let go, but he has to keep fighting.

He can’t see the look passing between Fabian and Gideon. But, he can feel them straighten up, stand taller. 

“On three,” Fabian says.

“You two have to run for it,” Gideon says.

“The Order needs that information.” 

“Sirius, you have to make sure Remus makes it out of here with those plans.”

“Whatever happens,” Sirius says to Moony, “I love you.”

“No!” Remus says as he realizes what’s happening. But, Sirius grabs him tight.

“Three,” says Fabian.

“Two,” says Gideon.

“One,” they say together. That was the last thing Sirius ever heard them say. The pair does something, and the world around Sirius goes white. He can’t see, but he’s running and pulling Remus with him. He has to save Remus; he has to save the people Greyback is after. He has to get Remus out of here if it kills him. He’s running harder than he has ever run in his life. The gates are a hundred yards away. 

Ninety. The Death Eaters are confused. 

Eighty. Some of the Death Eaters are chasing them now. 

Seventy. Sirius is throwing up every protection charm he knows. He can’t stop to look and aim. 

Sixty. He can hear screaming. Fabian. Gideon. 

Fifty. Sirius is going to throw up. 

Forty. Green killing curses are coming towards him and it’s all he can do to dodge. 

Thirty. They aren’t going to make it. Sirius puts his body between Remus and the Death Eaters. 

Twenty. They’ll have to kill him first. 

Ten. God, he can hear the twins screaming. 

Zero. They are out of the gates and the world has become the twisting black of apparation. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lion represents Gryffindor. I imagine that this is on his arm, with the word Courage underneath it.


	24. 1981: I would die for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day Sirius is arrested and sent to Azkaban

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW death and violence, mentions of child abuse
> 
> One final thank you to [confundedgryffindor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/confundedgryffindor/pseuds/confundedgryffindor) for beta reading this work.

_ I've got your name written here,  
In a rose tattoo  
In a rose tattoo  
In a rose tattoo  
Signed and sealed in blood I would die for you _

_ _

Sirius has Peter pinned in the street. He doesn’t even care that there are muggles all around, that he has his wand out, that he’s breaking the statute of secrecy in a hundred ways. Because Lily and James are dead. Because Peter betrayed them.

Peter is begging and crying.  _ I was so scared, Sirius. He was going to kill me, Sirius. He would have killed us all.  _

“You should have died!” Sirius is screaming in Peter’s face. Because how can Peter not  _ know _ ? Because James and Sirius and Peter became animagi for Remus. Because James took Sirius into his home when Sirius was beaten and bruised and running from his mother’s curses. Because Remus nearly died when he stepped in front of Snape’s  _ sectumsempra _ spell when Peter couldn’t dodge. Because Sirius has been pretending to be the secret keeper so that the Death Eaters come after him and not Peter. Because you don’t betray your friends. You. Don’t. 

Sirius’ hand is shaking, and he’s trying to curse Peter. Peter deserves to be cursed. He betrayed Lily and James. James whose heart was so full of love that he took in a homeless Black and a penniless werewolf. Lily who was so kind, who healed Sirius, Remus, and Peter after fights with Death Eaters and never once complained about blood on her floor or violent swearing when the pain was too much.

But, it’s Peter. The Marauders have been taking care of Peter for years, protecting him from Slytherin bullies, getting back at that girl who laughed in Peter’s face when he asked her out, helping Peter with his homework. 

His wand hand is shaking and he wants to kill the man who killed his brother, but it’s Peter. Oh god, it’s Peter. 

But Peter also has his wand, and Sirius barely has time to think protego before the world goes white. Sirius is thrown back and he knows he’s lucky he wasn’t blown to smithereens, because he can see bodies, muggle bodies, broken around him. But, He doesn’t feel lucky. He sees that rat scurrying away, and he knows he’s failed. He hears the cracks of aurors arriving. And now he’s crying. And now he’s laughing: a horrible, mirthless laugh. Because there’s nothing left for him. The aurors are pulling him up. James is gone. Lily is gone. Peter is gone. And Remus will never know it wasn’t him. His mother was right. There’s nothing good in the world for him, because soon Remus will be gone too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think the antlers are self explanatory. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone who read this whole thing! I hope you enjoyed it. I'd love to hear what you guys think about Sirius' tattoos.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think! Come say hi on [tumblr](https://useless-slytherclaw.tumblr.com/) if you want!


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